Day 4 and cravings appear

Today is day four in my juicing journey and I want to chew something. This morning’s smoothie was awesome, filled with apple, banana, pineapple, beetroot, spinach and some frozen berries. There are hungry-SOS’s on this plan, so I had a banana after lunch juice, for just to chew something. Luckily those things are allowed and not frowned upon.

I also have noticed that if I’m really bored, I start thinking about different kinds of foods that I could be eating and I know it is just the addiction in my head, trying to get the quick fix. Not going to work, not this time. I’ve been listening the videos from the SJM app and they really help me to concentrate why am I doing this. I’m not happy with my looks or the size of my body. Another thing that has happened after starting to juice, is that my fingers are like ice blocks and I’m feeling cold at the office, which usually never happens. Last time it happened when I was on Cambridge diet and ate under 700 calories per day and my body was on very low energy. Now it should not be on that low, because having all the nice and yummy avocados and banana’s, also adding hemp protein powder to my smoothies and sometimes even some spirulina. So I’m getting everything that my body needs, but I’ve just gotten used to eating way too many calories per day, so my body just has to get used to having really healthy food coming in and not any crap foods.

Then there is my consumption of water and herbal teas, feel like I’m going to the bathroom all the time and my pee is completely clear. Sorry about the talk about bodily fluids, but I want to tell the complete truth that how things are going with this challenge. During this 28 days’ session, I’ll hop on the scales once a week so that I can have some kind of information about my weight and in which direction it is going. Should be going down, because I’m not eating that much. Let’s see what has happened when I hop on the scales on Monday or Tuesday. Of course the weight loss is individual with people, but there has been people who has lost more than 30 pounds and that is amazing. I do not expect miracles but around 25lbs in 28 days would be quite awesome. Already feels that my skin is more clear and blemish free, nails are growing stronger and the dry patches have disappeared from my face and shoulders. So what there is not to like in juicing?

Juicing takes some time to get used not having something to chew, but it goes past quite fast. The first week can be the most awful, at least has been for me in the past. But the “hunger” pains go away and the energetic feelings come. I’m so much waiting for that to happen. Bloating is also something that I want to get rid of. 

My morning ritual

3rd Day going strong

I feel great. Had good tasting juices and smoothies. Was really tired yesterday and had a nap after work. Had my last juice of the day around nine, which I think was a bit late, but afterwards I just went back to bed. So as I wrote before, I’m doing this for 28 days just to give my digestive system a holiday to get rid of the crap that I usually eat, but also to get rid of toxin’s.

As I know that according to my weight and height I’m classified as very obese because my BMI is now around 37 and I have a very high risk of getting the following diseases:

• Heart disease
• Diabetes
• Arthritis
• Infertility
• Miscarriage
• Asthma
• Fatty liver disease
• Cancer

Also when having a BMI over 35 means that obesity related illnesses could severely affect my quality of life and shorten lifespan. Does not sound that nice does it? As I have been obese for a very long time and tried so many different things, so I do know that the best way of losing weight is by modifying eating habits and losing weight not too fast, because most of the time the weight come’s back quite fast.

(C) 2016 Juice Master Ltd

As an obese person, I have wished and hoped so many times that I would just wake up and be thin. To look in the mirror and see this person without love handles, muffin top, double chin, back fat or the way too thick arms with saggy skin. Unfortunately, there is no such a thing that would make it happen in a day, but with juicing, I’m going to get there. For these first 28 days, I’m having all the juices and smoothies, cleaning my body completely and at the same time losing weight. But for the weight loss to be permanent, I have to take normal food back gradually, with light soups and salads but also continuing the juicing.

I was supposed to take a picture on Monday but forgot, so maybe one tomorrow morning so that I’ll have these wonderfully horrible before and after pictures. But the thing is that I do hate pictures of myself, seeing all the bumps and my way too big stomach. But I’m doing this and that is final. The next 25 days are going to be very interesting. 

Feeling the heartbreak

I was “brave” yesterday. There is this guy, ex-co-worker of mine and he is great. The really long story very short, my feelings towards him grew more, especially after every time we met. So yesterday I told him that I like him more than a friend and he’s answer was the one that I knew I was going to hear; he does not see me like that. I have done it before too, displaying my interest towards a person, but usually the outcome is the same, the people who I have feelings for, does not feel the same. It might be a little awkward for some time, but I do want to continue being his friend.

I’m sad and maybe a little heartbroken at the moment. I cried yesterday quite a lot, but I think the reason for crying was that I was feeling sorry for myself. The pessimistic streak is how I cope and I do try not to except anything positive. Now my eyes are swollen and not feeling great, and the feeling’s I’m going through are lethargy and loss of appetite.

Maybe that is my future; being alone that is. No future husband or kids. Online dating is not a thing for me, because I have noticed that I've gotten stood up few times, and the reason I think is my size. I have full body pictures on my profile, but maybe they just imagine that I am smaller in real life. So annoying that is. Or maybe I'm now just way too dramatic and the right guy for me is somebody I've been ignoring because of my crush? I never know. But one thing that I do know that I'm moving forward and making plans. Those plans mean starting to use POF more and meeting more people, even if they just would become friends. 

Now off to bed. Over and out.

Super Juicing myself

Obesity. That is my biggest problem, pun intended, at the moment. I’ve tried many things, losing weight but then gaining it back again. Now I’m feeling so bloated and stuffed, like all the things I have been eating are such crap. On Friday I made a cake for work, had Burgers and few ciders here in Reading, continuing to the pub with the guys and then having few ciders there. On Saturday I had lots of crepes for breakfast, went to K’s house with E to celebrate my birthday. We ordered pizza before starting to drink, and oh boy did I drink too much. Before going to the bar, I had eight ciders, four shots and three drinks. At the bar I had Two glasses of tequila sunrise, two glasses of some kind of cranberry vodka thingy, continuing with two beers and a Smirnoff ice.

The next day I felt okay, little bit tired and small headache that went away with Burana and a nap. I also had some very greasy food after the nap, pizza and hash browns, so yeah, no wonder that the weight is piling back on. As I have tried juicing before and I know how well it can work, so I decided to have a 28-day Super Juice Me challenge. I did not go shopping on Sunday, so that happened yesterday after work, buying lots of vegetables and fruits, little bit of nuts and berries. In the evening I prepared today’s three first juices in bags so it would easy to juice them in the morning. I also had a juice already last night and it was awesome. It will take me around three to four days that I get the juice high, but I’m succeeding in this, because hey, it’s only for 28 days.

At the moment I’m feeling so tired, did not sleep well last night, but it has nothing to do with the juicing, more towards my social life or with a better work, the lack of it. I need to start getting one, going more on dates but I’m not that interested in it at the moment. Later will write a post about my bravery and broken heart that followed it.

Soon it is time for a lunch time walk to Tesco’s and I need to buy some avocados, hopefully they are not as expensive as they were in Asda last night. Or they even have some unlike Lidl. Not even one avocado. Maybe more banana’s too. Healthy and delicious stuff that is full of these good nutrients and life!

The annoying feeling of feeling annoyed

Annoyance. That has been the feeling I have been having lately. Especially last night. I’ve been having these interviews for a new job, but unfortunately in my case, they just seem to drag on and on, even if they said that the latest phase should have been the last one, but then it isn’t. There is a recruiter handling this whole thing so I’m not contacting the company all of the time, which I think is a really good thing. Recruitment Agencies are not that popular in Finland, so this is a first time I’m using one. The funniest part is that I did not actually even apply for this job, but the recruitment agency found my CV from Reed, contacted me and explained the role. Now I have had four meetings with them and it has taken around one month.

Yesterday I had my latest meeting with a manager from the company and I really thought it would be last one, but then he went and said that I would need to have a phone conversation with a native Swedish speaker. On my way walking home, I was so annoyed and taking it out on my poor sister and she was also wondering about the whole thing. I sent an email to the recruiter about the additional phase in the process, but he said that it is a normal procedure with the company. So today or tomorrow I’m supposed to have the last one (fingers crossed) and then I get to know if I get the job or not. I’m not feeling that positive, but it would seem that I might get. Well if I do not screw up the conversation by speaking Finnish or forgetting my whole Swedish vocabulary.

I hate this feeling of not knowing. It might just be because I know that my spoken Swedish is not really good at the moment, because I have not used it for a really long time. But because I did not apply this job, I thought that I would not care if I got the job or not, but after all of the interviews and talking with the employees, I’ve really liked the idea of joining that company. And not just because of the money. My current pay grade is really horrible at the moment, but I manage. It just would be nice to be able to do more and maybe even buy more clothes, because my current ones are in quite bad condition. I’ve got one pair of trousers and they are close to the breaking point.

I’m also annoyed at myself. I have not been eating healthy or even doing my daily walks so I can see and feel the pounds coming back and I do not like it all. I have decided that on the 4^th of April I’m starting Juice Master’s 28 days Super Juice Me challenge. It will give my body and digestive system needed holiday, clear my skin, maybe even help with my eczema. Now as I’ve been eating crappy foods and drinking alcohol, my skin is full of blemishes and just so irritated and I keep scratching it. It is an endless cycle. I choose the 4^th April because my birthday is on 2^nd and I do not want to start it Sunday. I also want to have a health check with my GP before and after so that I can now how bad my health is at the moment. So maybe today’s last thing to do would be calling my surgery and trying order a time for doctors. Hopefully I could get a time for the morning or afternoon so that not in the middle of the day. 

So now I have twenty minutes and then on my way to home.

Update on my life

What has happened after November? Many things and I would say that the biggest was my graduation from university in December. Now I’m officially done with school, at least for few years. I know that after some time I get bit bored and want to try something different and master’s degree would be a nice thing to have.

What about my weight loss journey? No updates there. After my holiday in Finland, my motivation disappeared completely. I tried to keep on plan, but ate normal food so many times, so the only thing was that I kept my weight on the same level, but did not lose any. In January I emailed my Cambridge consultant and said that I need to have a pause with this whole thing, it’s no use to do it only with 50% percent or less motivation. I grew bored of the milkshakes and bars. Felt like I really did not achieve that much. So now I’m going to try something new and different. Eating more and being healthier. I cancelled my gym card because I did not go there for a long time, getting excuses why not and there is no point of paying for something that you doesn’t use. It was nice, but I did not feel comfortable there. I’ve been research and there is another gym closer to me, almost the same opening hours and they even have a sauna. It is a bit cheaper. I’ll see how this goes and what happens.

I do now that I want to lose at least 8 kilos before my birthday that is in April. So I got two months for that. Cambridge weight plan helped me to lose about 20 kilos, but now I need to learn to eat normal food and not binge. Yesterday I started a plan called Go-Fat-Go by Jutta Gustafsberg and everything has gone quite well. It feels that I’, eating quite much, even if that is not true, but it is more than I would be eating on CWP. I even bought a kitchen scale so that I can do everything correctly and not just somewhat around there and then wondering why I do not achieve anything. I do not care for the cottage cheese that much, but luckily I try only to eat it with the porridge and blueberries so I cannot that I really taste it that well.

What else has happened in my life? I’ve gotten more friends and some routine for me like going to the pub on Friday’s some current and old co-workers. I tried going on dates; but it did not really work for me, the guy was nice and everything but honestly said, I did not feel anything towards him. Unfortunately I still have feelings towards a person here in UK, but trying actively to have only friend like feelings because I now that the feelings are not returned.

Well that was about things that have happened, now we can move onto things that are going to happen during this year. In four weeks’ time, I’m having a holiday in Finland, pamper myself and just relax and take it easy. Before that I’m concentrating on the healthy side and being more positive about everything. I’m going to continue seeing friends and trying to make new ones. There is going so many new things and I just can’t wait them to happen. 

My happy face before work :)

I'm back!

Hello everybody and sorry about my absence and the lack of updates. There has been this huge project in my life called thesis so I have been concentrating on it. The good news is that I submitted it on Saturday and now I’m just waiting for feedback and correction suggestions from my advisor. Maybe one day I’ll graduate.

Now I’m having way too much free time and that means I have nothing to do. Have not been going to the gym for over a month, but I’m still following Cambridge Weight Plan. Doing a separate post about that part of my life. I also visited Finland in October, we had a Halloween fancy dress at work and I’ve trying to get a social life, but no results yet. Slowly but surely.

During this week more happenings here, trying to keep you posted!

Feeling happy!