Feeling the heartbreak

I was “brave” yesterday. There is this guy, ex-co-worker of mine and he is great. The really long story very short, my feelings towards him grew more, especially after every time we met. So yesterday I told him that I like him more than a friend and he’s answer was the one that I knew I was going to hear; he does not see me like that. I have done it before too, displaying my interest towards a person, but usually the outcome is the same, the people who I have feelings for, does not feel the same. It might be a little awkward for some time, but I do want to continue being his friend.

I’m sad and maybe a little heartbroken at the moment. I cried yesterday quite a lot, but I think the reason for crying was that I was feeling sorry for myself. The pessimistic streak is how I cope and I do try not to except anything positive. Now my eyes are swollen and not feeling great, and the feeling’s I’m going through are lethargy and loss of appetite.

Maybe that is my future; being alone that is. No future husband or kids. Online dating is not a thing for me, because I have noticed that I've gotten stood up few times, and the reason I think is my size. I have full body pictures on my profile, but maybe they just imagine that I am smaller in real life. So annoying that is. Or maybe I'm now just way too dramatic and the right guy for me is somebody I've been ignoring because of my crush? I never know. But one thing that I do know that I'm moving forward and making plans. Those plans mean starting to use POF more and meeting more people, even if they just would become friends. 

Now off to bed. Over and out.