Wednesday weigh in!

The numbers are getting smaller. Yesterday was my weigh in day and I really thought that my weight would have stayed the same because of my period, but actually it had gone down by 2,7kg! So in the last two weeks I have lost 5,8kg and I’m feeling awesome all the time.

Lime water

Next week everything is not going to be normal, because my consultant is attending a funeral, so that’s why today at the gym I’m hopping on the scales, checking my weight and telling it to M and do the same thing next Thursday, so that we’ll know how much I have lost, even if I’m not having the weigh in at her place. Maybe one point I should buy scales. Would be easier.

Key Lime Pie

So at the moment I have dropped 17,9kg and that means after dropping 2,2kg, I have lost more than 20kg. That is huge amount. My next goal is that my weight is going to be under three numbers. It should not take that long and with good work and routine, it might be happening during October.

Banoffee Pecan Pie

I’m also started baking more, which is a good thing, because baking is really relaxing. But from the diet point of view baking is not so good, but there is a good solutions for it, I just bring all of my baked goods to the office and they disappear very fast. Last night I baked a Banoffee Pie and a Key Lime Pie and both were gone before lunch hour. Did not taste them myself, because ketosis would be screwed, but everybody said that they were really delicious. So I’m happy and satisfied.

Only crumbs left

Weigh in day after one week off

Yesterday was a weigh in and the feelings before it, were really nervous, but still excited because week before that, I did not have a weigh in, which was a good thing. So yesterday I was feeling bloated, maybe it would be that period coming again so there was no expectations about a big weight loss.

I have been following the plan, drinking the water and I could say it paid off. Stepping on the scales and waiting for the number to settle. Breathe in, breathe out. There it was. The number and it was smaller. The scale was showing 110 kg meaning that I’ve lost 3.1kg in two weeks. Maybe I’ve should have taken the last weeks weight up, so I should’ve known how much it went up, but I’m happy now. The motivation is high again, feeling that I can do anything. But next Monday I’m going to be feeling anxious again, nervous about weigh in, if I have lost anything or if it has gone up.

But today is a happy day and I’m enjoying it while it lasts. This is a good Thursday,

Weigh in day, again!

Today was a really good day, went really fast, was busy doing my thesis product so that I'll maybe graduate one day. The thing that I was really waiting, was my weigh in at 7 pm. I had the normal feelings, thinking if there would be any loss or not, hopefully not any gain. First we talked about my upcoming weekend, because my dear friend V is coming from Finland and I'm going to eat some normal food.

So starting from tomorrow, I'm going to be on Sole Source Plus until next Wednesday. If I would not do this transition, I would crack and eat really much of unhealthy food and on plus I'm allowed to eat this small amount of protein and veggies. Meaning I can use a fork and knife, use my teeth, chew the food. Well of course you can chew the Cambridge bars, but sometimes it is really nice to eat somethings else.

This is on my wall, motivating me to lose those 8kg! I like these motivation notes on my wall. I have so many of them :)

Next week I will return on Sole Source, because there is so much to lose and I put another goal for me. In six weeks I'm flying to Finland and participating to our annual family party and I want to be -20kg lighter and lost quite many inches/centimetres. I want to see their reactions when they notice that I have lost weight. That might be vain, but I am. I have always been one of the fattest there, other relatives have lost weight or they just are slim, but I#m just this fat cousin/niece/some distant relative but no more.

On today's weigh in I lost 1.9kg from last week and that is more than I had put on my weekly goal. So now I have 8kg to lose in six weeks and I can do it. There will be no crackings, I have my goal and I'm going to reach it. This next week is going to be hard, but I've got two bars for every day, one Malt Toffee and one Lemon yogurt. We'll also be doing so much and walking around London, so I think that one thing I have to be worried about is drinking enough water.

Now of to bed and having happy thoughts about everything.

Happy selfie afterwards! 

Slowly but surely

Sunset at Prospect Park on Tuesday

Anticipation. [An-tis-uh-pey-shuh n]. Noun. There are different meanings for this word, but for the last week, all of these have been going through my mind and the feeling grew bigger and bigger until yesterday 7pm and I stepped on the scale again. 115.0 kg. The number had gone down from last week, but only 0.6kg. Not that motivating. But we took the measurements too. Those were really nice. We usually take them every three weeks, so that is one reason that the numbers drop is good.

1.        The act of anticipating or the state of being anticipated.
2.        Realization in advance; foretaste.
3.        Expectation or hope.
4.        Previous notion; slight previous impression.

Sometimes when looking in the mirror, I believe that I can see the change, but my brain tries to tell me that it’s not right, you’re really not getting thin or skinny or fit, you’re not losing weight, it’s just your imagination or wishful thinking. That is the biggest reason I do not own a scale. I would be going on it way too much, maybe every morning, wanting to see change, especially with a diet like this. But it’s not good for me. Trying to concentrate on the light feeling, fitting in the clothes that did not fit me before, because that has happened already with a pair of jeans and a dress.

When doing a lifestyle change, brains are the hardest muscle to train. Everything between your ears might be fighting the change, make you think about all the things you think you want, but really don’t. Like especially when it’s certain time, you think you’re hungry, but you’re not. It’s just the cravings shouting, wanting sugar and everything that is bad for you.

Yesterday after the weigh in I felt like going to Sainsbury’s, buy some small cakes, biscuits, cookies and sweets. Just because I did not meet my weekly goal. My brains tried to tell me that, because I failed, I should comfort myself with something that would give me a sugar high. Have done it so many times in the future. Eating for the problems I have, eating when celebrating, eating when sad, eating when mad, just eating when anything good or bad happens to me. Yesterday the same thing almost happened. But it did not. Went home, messaged with my sister, changed clothes and started walking towards the gym. In the pouring rain. So many times when walking there I thought about taking the bus there or completely just skipping the gym. But I did not.

I was almost soaked when arriving to the gym, but had change pair of pants, changed them on and started my routine. It went well, felt great doing it, next week I have to add little more weight on some parts, because it felt too easy for me. Same time I was at the gym, there two guys going bench pressing and biceps and two girls first on treadmill and stationary bikes. It was little cliché that the guys concentrated only on their upper body, same thing that they did on Monday when I was there. Hopefully they do not forget leg days. Insert laugh here. The girls were quite cliché too. Seen them there before, just doing cardio. I don’t have the right to judge anybody but myself, but when seeing them just doing cardio, in quite slow pace, I felt like going to talk with them, asking about their goals, why they are going to the gym. I know that I’m no personal trainer or have so much information about the subject, but I know some. Maybe one day I’ll go and ask if they want any help, but now I’ll just concentrate on getting myself into awesome shape.

After my gym session, I walked home and it was not raining anymore. All the disappointment that I felt towards the weigh in scales melted away at the gym and that is the biggest reason I could go there every day. Even left my phone home, had some really awesome me time without any technology and did not miss it. You should try it too. Put your phone on flight mode for certain amount of time, just doing something that does not include technology.

Now I’m trying not to think about the weight that is not going down as fast I would like it to and concentrate more on feeling good and going to the gym. Maybe even volunteering on something. I’ll never know what might happen when I really start doing things and not just thinking about doing them.

Everyday Minerals Makeup Brushes

 I also ordered some Everyday Mineral makeup brushes from eBay, posting about them on weekend and some of my makeup habits, skin conditions and other stuff.

Week five weigh in

My favourite day again and it's called Wednesday. At the same time it's the weigh in day, but that is not the reason why it is my favourite day. It's just is. Reason enough. Day at work went in good pace, not too fast, but not too slowly. When it got closer to 5pm, it felt like time went slower, maybe because I was waiting it to be 7pm and time for my weigh in.

When I arrived to M:s place, we talked little how my week has been, about how I'm feeling, etc and then came the moment I have been waiting. Stepping on the scales and being nervous. Last week I gained 0,6kg but this week it was down by 2,2kg. It's good amount and next week it is going to continue going down. After losing 0,1kg then I have lost 10kg and that is amazing! Sometimes when concentrating on the weekly weight, you feel like you have not lost enough, but so many times the complete amount of weight that you have lost, is forgotten. M also told that next week we'll take the measurements. That is sometimes more exciting than going on the scale, because I find it hard to lose inches.

Today was the third day using Fitbit Flex and I have been really satisfied with it. It really motivates to walk more, today walked more than 15 000 steps. Again I jogged the last kilometre and this time it was not so bad. Already getting in better shape! Maybe I should have the goal on 15 000/day for two weeks, but see how much actually I walk and then lift the goal higher, if I walk more than my goal is.

Quoting Pharrell Williams "Because I'm Happy" fits so well on my mood.

After walking/jogging

The annoyance of everything and nothing

Another Wednesday. Another weigh in and today's number on the scale was bigger than last weeks. Not motivating. Still no bowel movement, got more of Cambridge fibre from my coach. The laxative did nothing for me. Coach suggested that I should try coffee, maybe that will work for me. I'll give one week for the coffee and fibre, and help me god if they do not work, I'll buy the super stuff that my sister told me about. Hopefully I do not have to go there.

 After leaving from coaches house, I went to Sainsbury's to buy some instant coffee and skimmed milk with it. There was this cookie section that kept calling my name. I stood in front of the shelf for a long while, something in me trying to say "just buy the cookies, eat them today and start over tomorrow". But I did not buy them. I left them in the store. Because I d not want to start over. I'm going to continue this and be happy.

The free newspapers and one that costs

When I arrived home, there was a package from Finland waiting. It said that sender was A, one of my dearest friends in the whole world, but I was little bit skeptic about what it would have inside and not without a reason. There was pile of Finnish free newspapers and a card. That really made my day 100% better. Like completely better, because they are also remembering me, especially with these crazy stints that they usually do.

My friends A, M, C and I.

After getting home, I was supposed to Skype with my friend T, but I think she forgot. Not a new thing. Maybe another day. Hopefully. After messaging with my sister for some time, we decided just to use Skype. She is spending time at our summer cottage, that lazy person. I can really count on her when losing the motivation or just wanting to went on my feelings, she listens to me, gives good advice and just is there, even if she is another country. I'm lucky to have two people supporting me in my journey, because I could not do this alone.

After the Skype call happened something that should have not happened yet. My period came. Again. Last time they were here like two weeks ago. I do have the normal symptoms, but did not even think about having them again. Maybe my body is just confused about everything. Hopefully they would start to behave normally. Now I'm suffering from stomach cramps, but they'll go away soon. Maybe. Hopefully.

Unpleasant side effects

In this posting I'm going to write about about normal body functions that every human being has and some of you might not want to read about, so feel free to skip. I'm not going to describe too much, because you do not know too much. I'm going to be honest, because this is something that anybody doing Cambridge Weight Plan, could experience.

Soon I have been doing Cambridge Weight Plan for four weeks and in three weeks I have lost 17.7lbs or 8 kilos. It is a good amount, maybe would have lost more, but had my periods on the second week so more bloating in my body. Last Thursday I had some pizza and cakes, so I know that they are going to affect, maybe my weight has not gone down, but I really do hope that I have not gained more. That would be really depressing.

Biggest problem for me has been constipation. Before CWP, my normal bowel movement was once a day, usually in the morning, after waking up. Now it is once or twice a week and that is not nice. The feeling of bloating is with me all the time, but my stomach does not hurt. The first week I went without anything, thinking that maybe my body needed more time for the change. On the second week I went and bought some natural laxatives called Natural Senna Laxatives from Boots. They did nothing else than make me sound like my friend A when she's hungry. That week I had the number two once and with great work and pain. Third week my consultant gave me a sample of the Cambridge Fibre and said that I should have it half a teaspoon a day, mixing it on my shakes or just water. Did not work either. Tried even putting whole teaspoon, but no. Again I have had number two once and today the bloating feeling is so annoying. I also fear that it's going to affect my weigh in tomorrow.

After work I decided to walk to Tesco's, buy some other Laxative called Dulcoease, some Camomille tea that should help digestive system and flax seeds. I took one of the laxatives now and had a cup of Camomille tea. I really do hope that they work. I don't see this plan working for me for much longer if I cannot have a normal rhythm. Of course I understand that I'm not having that much food, so there is not that much waste, but still its not nice. If these do not work, maybe the next thing is going to be Psyllium Husk and add more exercise. Look of some basic yoga that I could do at home, because I'm not that flexible. Stand corrected, not flexible at all, like an iron stick.

I also ordered yesterday some contact lenses, because I ran out. These were quite cheap, everything in the picture above cost me under 26£ so not bad. Now I just hope that the lenses are good for me, because I have six pairs of them. When browsing the site, I saw these really cute animal lense cases and the frogs were screaming my name, tempting to buy and I did. No regrets. There came also this normal case, but normal is sometimes really boring. So frogs protect my lenses for the moment, maybe next time I'll buy elephants. I ordered the lenses yesterday and they came today, first class Royal Mail, really nice and fast delivery. 

Took a morning selfie, just because I felt like it. Sometimes when I look at the mirror, I think I see some changes in me, maybe my face looks a bit thinner than earlier, but some other times the bloating feeling is there so no thin faces for me. In this picture you can see my huge forehead, so many times I let my bangs/fringe cover it, but today I put my hair back with bobby pins. Next to my door, can you see my motivation mushroom from Super Mario? It says get a life and it's the only coverall patch that I took with me. First I was thinking that maybe I could sew it on my bag pack, but at the moment it's good where it is. 

Soon off to bed, waiting and being nervous about tomorrows weigh in. So hoping that it has gone down. Maybe I should try eating three products per day.

New month, new goals.

Usually when people start new diet or exercise plan, they tend to do on Monday. It's so easy to say on Friday that "I'll start eating healthy and exercising on Monday, so now I'll just go to the grocery store, buy all these things I'll have to give up and eat while I still can." I've done that in the past. But there lies the biggest problem, in the sentence. I'll have to give up. That is the problem for me at least. The moment I think that I cannot have all those unhealthy but oh so tasty treats, I start thinking about them all the time. And my workplace does not help towards it. 

Last Thursday we had this Fancy Dress Up day at work and the theme was Disney. People brought there all kind of yummy treats and all of them were placed across my table. I could see and smell them and I'm sorry to say that I cracked. Had some small pieces of cake and sweets. We also had our company meeting during that day, so we ordered 15 pizzas to the office and I had to slices of pizza. Then my thoughts started going on 100/km, now I have screwed up this, it doesn't matter, I'll just eat everything that I can. But somehow I motivated myself not to eat more treats or pizza. That is something that should be for everybody, you might crack and have some treats, but then continue with your diet. Forgive yourself and the forget the treat, not staying to think the treats, because then you are thinking about the treats, mentally torturing yourself. Thought's are so powerful and sometimes you are just tired of saying no to yourself when you want something. I dressed up as Minnie Mouse, easy and not too time consuming. I did not take the costume off or wash the makeup before I went home, so I got some funny reactions on the bus.

So from Friday I continued normally eating my Cambridge products, soon going through the withdrawal again, but this is my choice and I'll live with it. There were still so many treats left and my coworker L had some, but usually she eat's really healthily and no sweets. But that day it was me. I know I should not compare myself to anybody, except the person I was yesterday. One thing I really want to experience, that people really notice that I have lost weight and then they might even comment it. I might be vain that way, but being truthful, that motivates me. 

On Saturday I took the morning easy, visited library, tried to join the Reading Sport and Leisure centres by visiting the Central Pool, but their reception was closed. That annoyed me a bit, because there were three people standing behind the desk. But there are other locations so went next to the Palmer Park Stadium location. Well of course everything did not go so easily. Their card machine was not working at the moment and I did not have any cash with me. That problem was easily corrected by walking to the ATM near by. Now I have a gym membership. Going today try it to my closest gym location, in Meadway. 

Also decided to walk to Decathlon sports store in Reading, they were having sales. I so wanted to buy so much and different things, but I decided to stick with the things I need, like new bottoms, few tops, long sleeved shirt and some socks. I have been in Decathlon before, but only in Shanghai. It's a good store and the products work for me. Next to Decathlon, there was this HobbyCraft store, full of everything, like my own personal heaven/hell, because I really wanted to buy so much. But I came home only with Fiskars scissors, To-Do-List and Foam board for my next project. The Fiskars scissors were quite expensive, but I know that they are good.  Now I have this motivation for doing different craft projects, but I'll start slowly, because not trying to spend all of my money there. It would be so easy. 

Week three weigh in

Wednesday. I think that is a good day for a weigh in. Not on Monday, because in my case I think that my weight would not change just because it's Monday. Not on Friday, because after work I want to go straight home and enjoy some time for me, doing everything or nothing, depending on the day. So Wednesday middle of the week, works perfectly for me. 

Again I went to consultant around 7, she gave me the the products, I told her how I'm feeling, how everything is going, etc and then came the time for stepping on the scale. My guess before it was Maybe 1,5kg but not more than that. The scale showed -2,7kg from last week. I could not believe it. M did not believe it first, thought that the scale was not properly balanced so I went there three times and every time the same amount. Feeling so awesome. So enthusiastic about everything at the moment, even tomorrows pizza day won't sway me. 

Tomorrow at work we are having a Disney Theme day. Lot's of pictures from there tomorrow.

Week two weigh in

I feel like laughing. Today there was not great surprise and big weight loss. I lost 0,5kg aka 500g. That's not motivating at all and now I really feel like eating so much junk, but not gonna go there. It's normal that you gain weight when having period and my coach said that usually happens. So now I just wait for the next week and and smaller number in the scale. Because that is going to happen.

Now I'm going to talk about normal bodily functions that that you usually do not talk with anybody, but I think that it is good that tell about them, so if somebody tries Cambridge Weight Plan after reading about it from my blog/other place, they know what kind of side effects there are. Constipation has been a problem with me. I drink lots of water and tea, but that just means I'm going to the bathroom quite much. But with these products there are not so much fibre and of course that affects you. Before CWP my bowel movements were daily, now luckily max twice a week, not so nice and I feel bloated. I asked about the CWP fibre, but my coach said that I should first try over the counter laxative and next week I get a sample of the fibre. So a trip to Boots.

Hopefully they work

This time I also bought some of the bars and I really can't wait to test them, hopefully they are good. I also got a blessing to start doing light exercise, so happy. This week more walking for me, just to make me feel good. 5k daily sounds good or maybe 10 000 steps? Lets see how everything goes. I also bought a shaker from Boots, a smaller one than the "normal" size. I do not like using almost one litre shaker, not good.

Not completely my style, but it's good.

Last week I was so motivated after the weigh in and even I only lost 0,5kg, I'm motivated for the next week and that I'm going to lose more. Succession here I come.

Lazy Sunday walk

Weekends goes so fast. Feels like that is Friday and after blinking once, it's Sunday evening. Too fast for me, did not get anything done. I was so tired yesterday, took a nap during the day, which was not a good idea, but could not help it.

I skyped yesterday with my sister A, and we talked for almost an hour and that's not even much. Sometimes we have had these marathon calls that last around three hours. She had been playing board game with her boyfriend during the day and I would like to play too! She also asked me how my Cambridge plan is going and I told her the good news, almost 5kg has gone down, but big part of the weight that I lost, was water. Talking to her about also motivates me to do better because she used to be overweight and now she is not. So I'm going to succeed in this.

Today I woke little before noon, took the morning very easily, not doing much. I had a Butterscotch shake for breakfast, it tasted okay, but not that good. I have to start thinking about my next weeks shopping list, if there are any products that I haven't tried yet. Soon I might start having the bars on some days, if I like them. I tried the water flavour, but did not like it. Too sweet for my taste.

I did some research again about the gyms around here. My coach told me that gym is not a good thing on the first step, because you really do not get that many calories during the day. I know that, but I feel so lazy because I'm not doing any exercise so I have been doing walks here in Reading, getting some fresh air and getting to know the city at the same time. When I first came to Reading, I visited this gym in the city centre called The Gym. It looked okay, not that fancy, costs under 20£ per month, open 24/7 and you do not have to make a contract for many months in the future. I did not like the feeling I got there. I was planning to visit another gym called Pure Gym, it was located quite near the train station, not bad. It would have cost also under 20£ per month, open 24/7 and no contract. My co-worker L said that her sister have used it and its quite good, so maybe I should try it in the future.

So today I did some research about swimming pools in Reading area and I found that there is Reading Sport and Leisure Facilities and they are quite cheap to join, there is a gym, swimming pools and fitness classes. They are not open 24/7 but they have quite good opening times, especially Meadway Sports Centre, it opens 6:30 on week and closes at 10pm so I can work with that. I think I would have chosen the Pure Gym, but I also do like swimming so points for that. The RSL has different levels that you can choose from, depending what you want to do. I think I would choose Silver level. In that level you can choose two from three, Swim, Gym or classes and in the beginning my choice would be gym and swim. Lose some weight before going to the classes. Next Monday I'm going to test the place, hopefully it works for me. It costs 22£ per month, but that is not a bad price to pay for gym and swimming. To Meadway I can walk there in about 30min and I could also take the bus number 33. I'll have to see how long it takes with a bus.

From home to Meadway, from Meadway to home via the bus stop

I also tested that how much it would take from the Meadway to the bus closest bus stop when going to work, so I could try and go there before work. So today I walked over 7km and it felt good, even if sometimes it feels like walking might not be the best sport for me, so that is another reason why I want to swim, good for the knees.

Week one weigh in

Thursday, the day that I have been waiting for sometime, because it's the first weigh in that I'm doing. There has been this feeling that nothing has changed, no loose clothes and now the food cravings are awful. Yesterday I  was visiting London, had to take few documents to Legislation office, wait for few hours to get them back and then off to work. I did do some sightseeing, but not that much, because going to do more when V comes here in the end of August.

I had a salmon salad yesterday for lunch, because there were no shakes left and did not want to anything unhealthy. There was also this pear that I ate on Monday, but then the question was, pear or cake, so happy to say that the pear won the competition.

Before the meeting with the consultant, I was so nervous. I really thought that there would be no difference. Like nothing at all. First we talked how everything had went on the first week, what kind of problems there had been, what I should expect in the future. Then came the moment for weigh in and as I stepped on the scale, there were these nightmare scenarios that I had gained weight. It took few seconds as the numbers went and evened out. I was looking at a number of 120.5 so from last week I had lost 4.7 kg! It's amazing.

Yes, I know that in the beginning its the fluids that leave the body, but that still motivates, because the scale shows a smaller number. Especially when you have much to lose, it would be quite depressing to lose under 0,5 kg per week. Maybe at one point that is going to happen to me, but now I still have so much to lose. I also went down two BMI points, at 125,2 my bmi was 41 and that means very obese, but now I'm at 39,3 and its only obese. The line between overweight and obese goes at 30 so I have 10 bmi points to drop so I'm not obese any more. Can't wait that to happen. I do also know that muscle weighs more than fat, but at the moment I'm not doing any weight exercise, just trying to walk over 5k daily and stretching. There is also that sometimes the numbers do not change on the scale, but still your clothes start getting too big, because you're losing inches. That is a good reason for me not to own a scale. If I would own a scale, I might check the weight way too often.

My normal lunch at work, luckily the pasta is good. 

Cravings are killing me!

Today has been hell! Well maybe not hell, but really close to hell. Quiet day at work and I have only been thinking about different kinds of foods, sweets, pastries AKA everything unhealthy that I would regret immediately after eating. Day begun quite well, woke up later than normally would, but still had the time to do everything before catching the bus. When arriving to the office, there was different kinds of cakes in the kitchen! Not a good thing. That would not be a bad thing if it would be once a month, cakes in kitchen are like a weekly thing. I had my breakfast, today's choice was normal porridge and it tasted okay, not too good or not too bad. For lunch there again pasta and around 4:30 I drank a toffee and walnut shake. It tasted okay, better than the mango one. I almost took some of the cake, but I did not crack. Even skipped going to the library, because though that I would crack, walk to Tesco and buy something bad. Like Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream.

Just came home, washed makeup away, took contact lenses off and changed more comfortable clothes on. Then sent a text to my consultant, told her about my cravings and she asked if I had some. I was so happy that I could say no, I did not have anything. I have started to have the soup in the evening, around eight is a good time for me, I start watching NCIS at the same time, but I never finish the episode thats going on. So been used to not having a television, so the one in my room is just there, never been on while I have lived here.

I also messaged with my friend and I think she has bought flight tickets to London in the end of August! I'm so happy. I have known her for twenty years and I'm going to know her for the next twenty something years. I have moved quite many times during my life, so sometimes you don't keep in touch with all of your friends and they just drop off. With some friends, it may be that you do not see them so often, but can continue from where you left it. I have those too, but I like to keep in contact more often than twice a year.

Here some strawberries that I can imagine eating..

I'm satisfied that I got the cravings, now it feels like there has been change happening, not just eating these products, but no weight coming off. But on the other hand I wish that I did not have these cravings, thinking about food is annoying. Just trying to think about Thursday. That is going to be an interesting day. I'm guessing that I've only lost under 3 pounds. Been reading about these success stories, where people lose from eight pounds till eleven pounds. How do they do that? No thinking about how others do it, I'm doing it too, slowly but surely.

PS. I have to come up with a Disney character that I want to dress up as.. No ideas so I'm listening to suggestion. Nothing too major though, have to have the costume on the 30th.

5 days of Cambridge weight plan

What? Is today really the fifth of of eating Cambridge products? Where are my hunger cramps, headaches and day dreams about normal food? I have read from so many places that the third and fourth day are the worst, but not for me. For me those days were during the weekend and I can honestly say that I did not have any headaches or other side effects. I should be happy about it. I have been drinking water and tea through the day and going also to the bathroom quite many times.

That doesn't make me so happy. I feel like I'm not in the same page as every body else would be when doing this. This have been going so well that I'm also little scared of what the future brings. Maybe on Thursday I'll notice that I haven't dropped anything, just been gaining weight even with eating/drinking these products. Maybe the symptoms came later for me? We'll see in the future how it goes.

Monday. Usually everybody hates this day, just like Garfield, but I have learned to like this day. Yes, the weirdness lives in me. Mind over matter. I would like that the weekend would be longer, but I like working, my job is interesting, I'm learning new things and the people are nice. So I'm having four products per day, and before I started, I had to really think about the eating schedule. If I would have my first around 7am, the other meals would be at 10:30, 2pm and 5:30pm and that would not work with me, not at all. So in the mornings I'll drink hot water with lemon and cold water, so that my metabolism wakes up,  take the bus to work and then have my first product, that has been a porridge or shake, between 8:30 - 9:00am. I've even noticed that I'm not hungry so early in the morning, so its better to wait. During the week, my lunch hour is usually after 12:30am, and by that time I'm already hungry, but not that much. It's not like my stomach would be gnawing its way out. After 4pm I'll have another shake and the last product is going to be between 7 and 8pm, so that its good time to have the last meal.

I bought quite big variety of the products, because I wanted to test them. Some of them taste really good, some okay and some I would not like to eat even if I were payed. One of the most disgusting ones were Maple and Walnut Porridge. I could not eat it completely, left some on my plate. Risotto is good, could eat it every second day, but the pasta is awesome. It's going to be on my everyday diet, because it doesn't taste funny or like a cardboard. I have tasted the Vegetable, Tomato and Basil and Chicken and Mushroom soups and the best one for me was Vegetable and after that Chicken and Mushroom. Tomato and Basil soup had this funny aftertaste, so not buying more of that taste. Then there are the shakes and I'm really happy for those. Easy to do, even quite yummy and works well for me. I have tasted the Chocolate, Mint Chocolate, Mango, Vanilla and Banana. The best ones were the Mint Chocolate and Chocolate. Tasted real, not cardboard. Still have flavours to test, hopefully more of them are like Chocolate one.

After few weeks I can add the bars in my diet and I hope that they would at least taste okay. There are six different flavours and I want to taste them all.

Even if I haven't been craving foods like candy, bread, sodas or chips, there is this very annoying thing going on at work. People buy there cakes and candy for no reason. Luckily there are people who eat away the cake, but when I want to use the scanner, the candy boxes are just next to it. Dislike. I scan something everyday and walk past it many times a day. Maybe I should think of it as a training, staring at the sweet boxes and telling myself why I do not want to eat the sweets. I also heard that on the last Friday every month, there is a meeting and they buy huge amounts of pizza to the meeting. That is not going to be a good day. I really like pizza, especially cheese pizza. Maybe I should be indisposed during that day?

On the left my drinking jar, Vanilla shake and water bottle.
On the right there is the yummy pasta.

Sunday nights thoughts and musings

Its Sunday, I'm laying in my bed and listening songs about change, hopelessness and death. Yeah I know, not a good combination, but those songs got me thinking about all the changes I have wanted to do for a long while. Especially concerning about my own body and how unsatisfied I'm with it.

Last fall when I started my internship at the Finnish Government, I was full of motivation and energy for my lifestyle change. I woke up early, went to the gym before or after work and I ate okay. Not too little and not too much. I started losing weight, I could see it in the pictures and feel it when buying new clothes, because the old ones were too big for me. Then came the student cruise. I knew I was going to be drinking too much and eating at the buffet, but it was okay. I knew I could continue eating healthy and exercising.  I was dressed up as Ursula from the Little Mermaid and I even won the first prize. That doesn't usually happen to me, because I do not like participating in competitions.

The cruise was going from Helsinki to Stockholm and back, it took around 20 hours. On the second night I had been participating in a drinking game with some students from Metropolia UAS and some time after two in the morning, I decided to have some fresh air and then go to our cabin and fall asleep. If only that would have happened. I was so plastered, so only memories about going outside were talking to two guys about that there were no handle in the door. Now I know that I stayed there talking with them and later went dancing with one of the guys. From that sentence only you know I had way too much to drink, because I don't dance. At all. Not good at it. Short story even shorter, I did not end up in my own cabin for a long time. The guy was nice, funny and I did not think that I would see him again after the cruise. But I did see him again. We started hanging out weekly, going to student parties together and just having fun. I started getting feelings, that I did not want to get, because something in me told that he did not want the same things, and that something was right. During the spring I went and said what I want, asked what he wants and he could not answer that so I just said to him that maybe it would be better, if he left. And he did. I waited until I heard both of the doors close and then I started crying. I also kept thinking that how he could like me, because I do not like what I see in the mirror.

From that point on began my really depressed period. My school work suffered, I did not see my friends that much, I stopped completely exercising, ate only junk food and almost 24/7 I stayed inside. That continued until late May. There were sometimes that I saw the guy in student parties and it really hurt me. I did not want to see him, but I did want to see him. During the spring I had applied for many jobs in Finland, but got nothing. I became even more depressed. In the beginning of May I started applying to jobs in Ireland and UK. I was so depressed, that I did not even think that I would get a job from anywhere. Then in the end of May came and I got a job offer from UK. I answered the email immediately and said that I would take the place. Anything to get away from Finland and bad/good memories. Still during June, I ate very unhealthy foods and drunk quite much alcohol. I dreamt about being thin, skinny and looking pretty, but when I looked in the mirror, I became more and more sad.

One week after flying to UK, I decided that I'm going to lose weight. The journey have started last Thursday. I did a very throughout research about different kinds of diets and nothing seemed to fit myself. Thought quite much about juicing, but that would be a big hassle in the mornings. Then I found Cambridge weight plan site. In that plan you have different steps and a consult during the whole thing. I sent a text to one consultant, but she did not answer so I decided to try another one and this time sent her an email. She answered me and we decided to meet on the 8th of July. During the whole Wednesday I was nervous. Would I be too big? Could she help me? Would I have the backbone for eating only different Cambridge plan products, such as shakes, soups, porridge and pasta in the beginning? My consultant is really positive and nice woman and I really think that she can help me with this. She sends text messages, asking how its going, are there any problems and just making me feel that she cares really if I succeed or not.

So on Thursday I begun my journey. Because I am 175cm tall, I'm eating four Cambridge products per day. The first few days went okay, little headaches here and there, going to the bathroom many times because I drank so much water. Saturday I felt ravenous about food, I kept thinking about all the foods I'm not having, but I kept eating the products, drinking tea and water. And thinking about if I want to write about this journey I'm starting. But I want to so here I am. Normally if I start dieting or going to the gym, I don't tell anybody, because if/when I fail, nobody knows about it. I can suffer alone and continue eating junk. But this time I'm going to succeed. Fourth day going and I should be in ketosis soon. Hopefully. No more food cravings.

Some of the products taste good, but some are really yuck. Especially Maple and Walnut Porridge. Never again that one. The pasta and Risotto are good, and the soups too. Sometimes the shakes taste maybe little too sweet. I'm not eating the bars yet, hopefully they are good. I started from the step one that is Sole Source, meaning you eat three or four products a day, four in my case. The maximum time for that step is 12 weeks. If you want to continue, you have to have a week of eating more food and then you can continue with it. On the step one I'm eating between 440-555kcal. Not much. But not that hungry, lucky me. Maybe its the water I keep chugging down.

I have tried to find so many different blogs and forums about this, and some of them were even good, but there were not that many. Maybe because this is not that "in" at the moment. Diets change so fast, first there is this and then there is that. But this is for me. Mind over matter.

Products for the six days from Friday on.