Slowly but surely

Sunset at Prospect Park on Tuesday

Anticipation. [An-tis-uh-pey-shuh n]. Noun. There are different meanings for this word, but for the last week, all of these have been going through my mind and the feeling grew bigger and bigger until yesterday 7pm and I stepped on the scale again. 115.0 kg. The number had gone down from last week, but only 0.6kg. Not that motivating. But we took the measurements too. Those were really nice. We usually take them every three weeks, so that is one reason that the numbers drop is good.

1.        The act of anticipating or the state of being anticipated.
2.        Realization in advance; foretaste.
3.        Expectation or hope.
4.        Previous notion; slight previous impression.

Sometimes when looking in the mirror, I believe that I can see the change, but my brain tries to tell me that it’s not right, you’re really not getting thin or skinny or fit, you’re not losing weight, it’s just your imagination or wishful thinking. That is the biggest reason I do not own a scale. I would be going on it way too much, maybe every morning, wanting to see change, especially with a diet like this. But it’s not good for me. Trying to concentrate on the light feeling, fitting in the clothes that did not fit me before, because that has happened already with a pair of jeans and a dress.

When doing a lifestyle change, brains are the hardest muscle to train. Everything between your ears might be fighting the change, make you think about all the things you think you want, but really don’t. Like especially when it’s certain time, you think you’re hungry, but you’re not. It’s just the cravings shouting, wanting sugar and everything that is bad for you.

Yesterday after the weigh in I felt like going to Sainsbury’s, buy some small cakes, biscuits, cookies and sweets. Just because I did not meet my weekly goal. My brains tried to tell me that, because I failed, I should comfort myself with something that would give me a sugar high. Have done it so many times in the future. Eating for the problems I have, eating when celebrating, eating when sad, eating when mad, just eating when anything good or bad happens to me. Yesterday the same thing almost happened. But it did not. Went home, messaged with my sister, changed clothes and started walking towards the gym. In the pouring rain. So many times when walking there I thought about taking the bus there or completely just skipping the gym. But I did not.

I was almost soaked when arriving to the gym, but had change pair of pants, changed them on and started my routine. It went well, felt great doing it, next week I have to add little more weight on some parts, because it felt too easy for me. Same time I was at the gym, there two guys going bench pressing and biceps and two girls first on treadmill and stationary bikes. It was little cliché that the guys concentrated only on their upper body, same thing that they did on Monday when I was there. Hopefully they do not forget leg days. Insert laugh here. The girls were quite cliché too. Seen them there before, just doing cardio. I don’t have the right to judge anybody but myself, but when seeing them just doing cardio, in quite slow pace, I felt like going to talk with them, asking about their goals, why they are going to the gym. I know that I’m no personal trainer or have so much information about the subject, but I know some. Maybe one day I’ll go and ask if they want any help, but now I’ll just concentrate on getting myself into awesome shape.

After my gym session, I walked home and it was not raining anymore. All the disappointment that I felt towards the weigh in scales melted away at the gym and that is the biggest reason I could go there every day. Even left my phone home, had some really awesome me time without any technology and did not miss it. You should try it too. Put your phone on flight mode for certain amount of time, just doing something that does not include technology.

Now I’m trying not to think about the weight that is not going down as fast I would like it to and concentrate more on feeling good and going to the gym. Maybe even volunteering on something. I’ll never know what might happen when I really start doing things and not just thinking about doing them.

Everyday Minerals Makeup Brushes

 I also ordered some Everyday Mineral makeup brushes from eBay, posting about them on weekend and some of my makeup habits, skin conditions and other stuff.

A gym story

It’s the beginning of August and you decide to do something that you’ve been thinking already for a long time, joining a gym. Already thinking about all the things you’re going to do there, losing weight, getting really fit and enjoying the feeling of your body. Then comes the first problem, you don’t have any good clothes to use so buying cute fitness clothes is next on the agenda.

Picture from We Heart It

When shopping, you really cannot fit in the cutest outfits, but you find something that fits you, does not look like something your grandma would use and doesn’t cost a fortune. You can also check out some good quality shoes for the gym, there is no point of going there without the right tools. Also before going to the gym, you have to check that there no unwanted hairs on your legs or armpits. There could be handsome guys at the gym and you want to give the best impression.

Picture from We Heart It

So now you have the membership, the clothes and no unwanted hairs. You really would like to go there with a friend, but none of your friends have the incline to join. So alone you must go. Of course today is Monday, a good day to start something new. You’ll even go on the same day, full of enthusiasm and these pictures of yourself when you’re going to be fit.

You start with a warm up on treadmill, walking okay pace for about ten minutes and now you’re ready for the actual training. There lies another problem. You have no slightest idea what to do. Yes, you want flat stomach, nice arms and a nice looking arse. Then you do little bit of this, little bit of that, looking fearfully when the huge guys there lift humongous weights and all the females seems to be in their top shape. You feel like you don’t belong.

Picture from We Heart It

You’ll continue going to the gym, doing something small and trying really to get in better shape, but your motivation starts to fade, you’re not going to the gym anymore, but you still have the membership. You continue paying, saying to yourself “one day I’ll go there again and I succeed”. So you continue living your life, partying normally, eating unhealthy foods and with no exercise at all.

Picture from We Heart It

One year after you bought your gym membership, you’ll remember having, after going through your account. You have been paying for it for a year, but you still look the same. Nothing has changed. You belong to a gym, but do not go there. You’re waiting for the morning you wake up and something magical is going to happen and you feel motivated to change your life, again. But you will be waiting for that a long time, because it does not magically happen. The change comes from within, you have to want the change to happen, you have to work for the change and motivate yourself even it’s raining cats and dogs, your trainers have dust on them and you just don’t have the energy after work.

Picture from We Heart It

Because think of the results you could be showing, if you would have stayed committed to going to the gym. Asked help from a personal trainer or somebody who goes there a lot, changed your eating habits, but mostly believed that you can do it. You would completely look like a different person. A person full of confidence, even if not in goal weight, but working towards it. The motivation sticking by making it a habit. Every, day, week, month. You can do it.

You can do it and so can I.

My Grand Design

Change is good and it's inevitable. For some time already there have been a thought of change in my head, to do something new for my blog. Today was time for it. Did not exactly know what I wanted, but after sitting many hours on the computer and modifying pictures, trying to see what looks good, what does not and changing the pictures so many times.

The name changed, because the old one was not completely true with this blog. In here I'm mostly writing about my journey towards skinnier me and now the blog reflects that and not just something. I'll still write about other stuff that I'll do, so not only about my eating and exercise habits, because that would be plain boring.

My Grand Design. The name already gets me very exited. Some of you might have heard of the British show where they do these awesome renovations? I like watched only one episode, but it was so nice. Then there are these other tv shows like 24 hour design. That already tells me that the change is going be done fast, but it might not be this really good change. So my change is going to be done with a grand design, with care so that after I have reached my goal, I will not return to the bad stuff, gaining weight or stop doing exercise.

Lifestyle change continued today with morning gym. Was there before ten and the training that I did, almost killed me. I was so done after the session and almost took a bus home, but did not. Walking home was a good cool down. Have to do still some stretching, because I want to be able to move tomorrow. My butt muscles are sore from yesterday. Going down the stairs hurts and I live on the top floor.

Next week I'm going to do some more changes on the blog pages. But now, good night everybody.

Fat vs. Muscle

After starting the Cambridge Weight plan and telling some of my family and friends that I am doing it, the reactions has been very different. My sister A has been here for me all the time, supporting and motivating me. Yesterday told my mom that I have lost almost 10kg in little over one month and she was worried that I might be losing the weight too fast. Some of my friends have the same reaction.

From so many places you have read or heard that muscle weighs more than fat. Maybe you have even seen the picture underneath, with 5 pounds of fat and 5 pounds of muscle and the muscle is so much smaller and nicer to look at. These things I have been thinking, especially after starting to move more, going to the gym and doing long walks. It might be that next Wednesday there is not going to be so much weight loss, because of the exercise that I have during this week and what I will continue to do. But if there is no changes on the scale, we are going to take the measurements and then see if there has been any changes.

When looking at the fat picture, I feel ill. The amount of fat in my body is way too much and I want to get rid of it. I'm not one of those lucky people who can almost eat anything they want, without any changes in them. But I'm working towards my goal now.

Another topic that I have been thinking for sometime, are the different body types. Mine is apple, all the fat stores in my middle section, arms and face. Like those areas have some kind of magnet that calls for the fat towards them. Maybe it's from my genes. Getting rid of the fat in my belly and arms is number one goal and unfortunately you cannot choose from where the fat starts burning away. When exercising, I think this is the conversation that my different body parts are having :

"Brain: Oh! We are doing exercise so lets get rid of the extra fat! Belly are you listening?

Belly: ..Sleeping..

Brain: C'mon Belly, wake up! You have to get rid of the extra fat!

Belly: ..Still sleeping..

Brain: Well I try to wake Bell later, maybe Arms are happy to lose the extra fat. Hey Arms, you awake? Time to lose the extra fat!

Arms: Almost sleeping.. trying to ignore Brain..

Brain: What is with everybody! Now is a really good time to get rid of the extra fat. 

Legs, Butt and Boobs: We're awake! We can lose some extra fat!

Brain: Well its good that somebody listens to me, but you three do not have that much extra, but it's better to lose some than none. "

So that is the reason why my belly and arms are in the worst shape, they just do not want to lose the extra fat. but that is not good enough and soon the extra has get burning away. I might be vain, but one of the reasons why I'm doing this, is because I want to buy clothes that really look good on me, different colours.. And I also want to be able to jog/run 10k. That is one of my goals for the future. Always hated running, but getting used to it very slowly.

The joy of movement

Finally I have started exercising more. Walking those 15 000 steps per day is really good, but there are still so many other things that can be done. Like going to the gym. I'm starting it easy and trying to go at least three times per week, hopefully seeing some changes in my muscles. I really have this nightmare about saggy skin after losing weight. So more movement to me.

One thing that is different on weekends, I do not get my daily steps so easily. On a normal working day the amount of steps is over 8000 after coming home, maybe more. But today I went for a 8.5km walk so that I'll get enough steps. I could train on a treadmill at the gym, but sometimes that is boring.

Before going to the gym, I needed some kind of plan, so not just going there and doing little bit this and that like I did on Thursday. When you have a good plan, it's easier and faster to go there. Many people say that they go to the gym three times per week, but actually doing something there? There is this web page that has lot's of good advices, different blogs, recipes, articles about sports and so much more. Here is a link, if you want to check it out; Gains.

The plan that I got from their site and I'm using at the moment, is called Hot Mama Fat Burn. It is a plan for those, who want to lose at least 10% of their weight. It also has two different options, plan 1 is three times per week and plan 2 three to six time per week, but you can also do it eight times in two weeks. I chose that, because there is so much to lose and I want to see results in my body.

Today's work out was concentrating on legs and shoulders and looked like this:

Warm up - walking to the gym 30min

First round - 15-12-10-8-6-3
Squat
Dumbell Thrusters
Deadlift

Second round - 15-12-10-8-6-3
Lateral raise side
Lateral raise bent over
Calf raise

Third round - 15-12-10-8-6-3
Sumo Squat
Lateral raise front
Lunges

Cool down - walking back home 30min and stretching.

The numbers mean that I do the exercises on first round first fifteen times, then twelve, ten, eight, six and last three. After doing that, I'll continue to the second round. The point is that you do not have any pauses between. I was quite done afterwards, but still feeling so good. I only used 2kg dumbbell, because I'm in really bad shape, but when I'm getting stronger, I'll move to bigger weights. Tomorrow I'm doing chest and biceps.

Koska me ei olla enää me

The topic name is a name of a song from young Finnish female artist and it means "because we are no us anymore." Song about time after breakup and when people have moved on. Fits my feelings perfectly.

You wake up thinking its February, you're in Helsinki, having a hungover and recent breakup with your boyfriend. Your memories surface, moments that you thought you have forgotten, become so clear and you curse the past. Why do the dreams of him bother again? Has not there been enough time already? Especially when you were happy in the dream. Is conscious trying to tell something?
That maybe moving to UK was a mistake, should have stayed there, not parted our ways in February. Would there be happiness in my life at the moment?

All those questions have plagued me immediately after waking up. I am happy here. I do not have friends yet, but I have been here only for under two months. In friends I do not calculate my coworkers, because I do not see them on my free time. I miss my friends, family and even sometimes him, but mostly the good times with him, having fun, enjoying ourselves. Not the insecure moments when doubting everything and anything.

When feeling sad, think of happy thoughts, think of your goals, things you want to do and experience. Been trying to tell that to myself. Living in the moment, but still planning for the future. Trying to avoid being this realistically pessimistic person, who does not think that she could succeed at anything. Looking in the mirror, saying to myself that I'm pretty, sometimes even beautiful. Today did not feel pretty. Felt bloated, sad and lonely. Felt like texting him, some silly text message, like normally, just telling about my day, if he would like to come over. But he's over me, doing different stuff and would not think that he would be thinking of me.

I did hope that it could have been something permanent.But not anymore. I'll make my own happiness.

Here is a link for the song.

Week five weigh in

My favourite day again and it's called Wednesday. At the same time it's the weigh in day, but that is not the reason why it is my favourite day. It's just is. Reason enough. Day at work went in good pace, not too fast, but not too slowly. When it got closer to 5pm, it felt like time went slower, maybe because I was waiting it to be 7pm and time for my weigh in.

When I arrived to M:s place, we talked little how my week has been, about how I'm feeling, etc and then came the moment I have been waiting. Stepping on the scales and being nervous. Last week I gained 0,6kg but this week it was down by 2,2kg. It's good amount and next week it is going to continue going down. After losing 0,1kg then I have lost 10kg and that is amazing! Sometimes when concentrating on the weekly weight, you feel like you have not lost enough, but so many times the complete amount of weight that you have lost, is forgotten. M also told that next week we'll take the measurements. That is sometimes more exciting than going on the scale, because I find it hard to lose inches.

Today was the third day using Fitbit Flex and I have been really satisfied with it. It really motivates to walk more, today walked more than 15 000 steps. Again I jogged the last kilometre and this time it was not so bad. Already getting in better shape! Maybe I should have the goal on 15 000/day for two weeks, but see how much actually I walk and then lift the goal higher, if I walk more than my goal is.

Quoting Pharrell Williams "Because I'm Happy" fits so well on my mood.

After walking/jogging