Last fall when I started my internship at the Finnish Government, I was full of motivation and energy for my lifestyle change. I woke up early, went to the gym before or after work and I ate okay. Not too little and not too much. I started losing weight, I could see it in the pictures and feel it when buying new clothes, because the old ones were too big for me. Then came the student cruise. I knew I was going to be drinking too much and eating at the buffet, but it was okay. I knew I could continue eating healthy and exercising. I was dressed up as Ursula from the Little Mermaid and I even won the first prize. That doesn't usually happen to me, because I do not like participating in competitions.
The cruise was going from Helsinki to Stockholm and back, it took around 20 hours. On the second night I had been participating in a drinking game with some students from Metropolia UAS and some time after two in the morning, I decided to have some fresh air and then go to our cabin and fall asleep. If only that would have happened. I was so plastered, so only memories about going outside were talking to two guys about that there were no handle in the door. Now I know that I stayed there talking with them and later went dancing with one of the guys. From that sentence only you know I had way too much to drink, because I don't dance. At all. Not good at it. Short story even shorter, I did not end up in my own cabin for a long time. The guy was nice, funny and I did not think that I would see him again after the cruise. But I did see him again. We started hanging out weekly, going to student parties together and just having fun. I started getting feelings, that I did not want to get, because something in me told that he did not want the same things, and that something was right. During the spring I went and said what I want, asked what he wants and he could not answer that so I just said to him that maybe it would be better, if he left. And he did. I waited until I heard both of the doors close and then I started crying. I also kept thinking that how he could like me, because I do not like what I see in the mirror.
From that point on began my really depressed period. My school work suffered, I did not see my friends that much, I stopped completely exercising, ate only junk food and almost 24/7 I stayed inside. That continued until late May. There were sometimes that I saw the guy in student parties and it really hurt me. I did not want to see him, but I did want to see him. During the spring I had applied for many jobs in Finland, but got nothing. I became even more depressed. In the beginning of May I started applying to jobs in Ireland and UK. I was so depressed, that I did not even think that I would get a job from anywhere. Then in the end of May came and I got a job offer from UK. I answered the email immediately and said that I would take the place. Anything to get away from Finland and bad/good memories. Still during June, I ate very unhealthy foods and drunk quite much alcohol. I dreamt about being thin, skinny and looking pretty, but when I looked in the mirror, I became more and more sad.
One week after flying to UK, I decided that I'm going to lose weight. The journey have started last Thursday. I did a very throughout research about different kinds of diets and nothing seemed to fit myself. Thought quite much about juicing, but that would be a big hassle in the mornings. Then I found Cambridge weight plan site. In that plan you have different steps and a consult during the whole thing. I sent a text to one consultant, but she did not answer so I decided to try another one and this time sent her an email. She answered me and we decided to meet on the 8th of July. During the whole Wednesday I was nervous. Would I be too big? Could she help me? Would I have the backbone for eating only different Cambridge plan products, such as shakes, soups, porridge and pasta in the beginning? My consultant is really positive and nice woman and I really think that she can help me with this. She sends text messages, asking how its going, are there any problems and just making me feel that she cares really if I succeed or not.
So on Thursday I begun my journey. Because I am 175cm tall, I'm eating four Cambridge products per day. The first few days went okay, little headaches here and there, going to the bathroom many times because I drank so much water. Saturday I felt ravenous about food, I kept thinking about all the foods I'm not having, but I kept eating the products, drinking tea and water. And thinking about if I want to write about this journey I'm starting. But I want to so here I am. Normally if I start dieting or going to the gym, I don't tell anybody, because if/when I fail, nobody knows about it. I can suffer alone and continue eating junk. But this time I'm going to succeed. Fourth day going and I should be in ketosis soon. Hopefully. No more food cravings.
Some of the products taste good, but some are really yuck. Especially Maple and Walnut Porridge. Never again that one. The pasta and Risotto are good, and the soups too. Sometimes the shakes taste maybe little too sweet. I'm not eating the bars yet, hopefully they are good. I started from the step one that is Sole Source, meaning you eat three or four products a day, four in my case. The maximum time for that step is 12 weeks. If you want to continue, you have to have a week of eating more food and then you can continue with it. On the step one I'm eating between 440-555kcal. Not much. But not that hungry, lucky me. Maybe its the water I keep chugging down.
I have tried to find so many different blogs and forums about this, and some of them were even good, but there were not that many. Maybe because this is not that "in" at the moment. Diets change so fast, first there is this and then there is that. But this is for me. Mind over matter.
|Products for the six days from Friday on.|